Monthly Archives: October 2010

The Food’s Great, But That’s Not Why I Go

Tweet thisTuesday night I’ll be attending my third Signature Chefs Auction in Saratoga to benefit the March of Dimes of Northeastern New York. The event is a lot of fun, featuring many area chefs offering one or two signature dishes … Continue reading

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They mean well, but….

George Carlin once said “there’s no such thing as bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions. And words.” In this case, we’re talking about good thoughts, good intentions, and words that have the opposite effect.

And it’s not just unthinking comments in the wake of a newborn death. It can just be innocuous conversational questions, the kind that you’d ask anybody else. For the first six years after we lost Benjamin, any time anybody would ask “do you have any kids?”, it hurt like hell and we had to figure out whether or not it would be appropriate to tell his story, whether the person asking really wanted to hear about it or not. After The Kid was born, the question became “do you have any other kids?”, or even “how many kids do you have?” To the person asking us, it’s just a standard getting-to-know-you type question. To us, it brings up painful memories, and we relive those moments again. Continue reading

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The Story of Benjamin, Part 3

We knew that we wanted to bury him with a little blanket, and with a couple of little toys that we had bought for him in the Bahamas on our cruise. The toys were his, and we weren’t going to give them to anyone else. We went to a fabric store, looking for an appropriate pattern for his blanket. We were not having any luck, until we spotted a blanket-sized piece of fabric with a large teddy bear in the middle with a wistful look on his face. We both knew that we had to use this pattern. Continue reading

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The Story of Benjamin, Part 2

At the time, the “women’s hospital” had no Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) and – as far as I could tell – had no way at all of dealing with anything other than a picture-perfect delivery. There was no talk of moving her to another hospital (two other hospitals in the area have renowned NICU facilities, and were a short ambulance ride away). Instead, she lay there through the night and the next day, until in the middle of the following night she was in unstoppable labor and approaching delivery. But they were the doctors and they knew what they were doing, right? Right? Continue reading

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The Story of Benjamin, Part 1

Back in 1992, things were going great in life. We had gotten married in 1987, bought a house in 1988, gotten ourselves new cars in 1989, and we were well on our way toward achieving our “five year plan” of having a child five years after getting married. I was 28 and my wife was 26. We had gotten pregnant in early May, during a huge, stressful project at my office, where I was working as many as 80 hours in a week. Continue reading

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