Category Archives: Kids


Tweet thisWelcome back to my blog. I say that to me as well as to you, since I have been neglecting the poor thing. I hope that this is the resumption of a healthy relationship. In any case, I want … Continue reading

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Fortress Around My Heart

Today, I want to talk about losing perspective after a loss, and how difficult it can be to regain it. As I mentioned earlier, when we lost Benjamin I basically went about not acknowledging how deeply I was hurt. I tried to carry on and put on a good face in hopes of convincing myself that I was OK. The depth of the denial made the pain go on much too long. But it would prove to hurt much more than my recovery. Continue reading

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They mean well, but….

George Carlin once said “there’s no such thing as bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions. And words.” In this case, we’re talking about good thoughts, good intentions, and words that have the opposite effect.

And it’s not just unthinking comments in the wake of a newborn death. It can just be innocuous conversational questions, the kind that you’d ask anybody else. For the first six years after we lost Benjamin, any time anybody would ask “do you have any kids?”, it hurt like hell and we had to figure out whether or not it would be appropriate to tell his story, whether the person asking really wanted to hear about it or not. After The Kid was born, the question became “do you have any other kids?”, or even “how many kids do you have?” To the person asking us, it’s just a standard getting-to-know-you type question. To us, it brings up painful memories, and we relive those moments again. Continue reading

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The Story of Benjamin, Part 3

We knew that we wanted to bury him with a little blanket, and with a couple of little toys that we had bought for him in the Bahamas on our cruise. The toys were his, and we weren’t going to give them to anyone else. We went to a fabric store, looking for an appropriate pattern for his blanket. We were not having any luck, until we spotted a blanket-sized piece of fabric with a large teddy bear in the middle with a wistful look on his face. We both knew that we had to use this pattern. Continue reading

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The Story of Benjamin, Part 2

At the time, the “women’s hospital” had no Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) and – as far as I could tell – had no way at all of dealing with anything other than a picture-perfect delivery. There was no talk of moving her to another hospital (two other hospitals in the area have renowned NICU facilities, and were a short ambulance ride away). Instead, she lay there through the night and the next day, until in the middle of the following night she was in unstoppable labor and approaching delivery. But they were the doctors and they knew what they were doing, right? Right? Continue reading

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